Lainey

Its been one month since our sweet Lainey returned to her Heavenly Father. Last night we recounted some of the sweetest moments, and the hardest moments we had with her. While tears streamed down my face, I told Spencer that I was honored to be her Mom. And he agreed. We feel so blessed to have her part of our Eternal family, to have had her here on this earth for 20 days, and to know that we will see her again.
I read a scripture last night that described our situation perfectly. In Alma 36:3 it says: "...for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day." We didn't verbally say "ok, Heavenly Father, we are turning this situation over to you", we just seemed to do it, together. Meanwhile, Family, friends and our ward family, were all praying for us, for me, and for our baby Lainey. You all will never know how much your prayers and even thoughts helped us. I could not imagine going through this and not having all you and your support and especially the knowledge of our Eternal Family.
And now, the golden question, How are we really doing. We have our moments when the tears seem will never stop, and there are days that Sadie just doesn't get it, "when is Baby Lainey coming home?". But we are comforted in remembering the Plan, the many times that the Spirit comforted us knowing that this was her mission, and many other things that are so sacred to us we just cant put words to them.
When a baby is too little to really smile, but they do, people say its just gas. but us Mothers sometimes know better! Sometimes its not gas at all. Lainey was definitely too small to smile, but she gave us 'moments' when she let us know she knew we were there. And in her own little way, she communicated with us. We will never forget those moments and the moments that the Spirit was there.
A mission is a spiritual high so to speak, that's easy to explain why. But this experience, from the beginning to the end, was a spiritual high as well. During the pregnancy, while explaining the complications to a few friends, I didn't realize at the time, but afterwards learned they could see the severity of the situation and could not believe I was not freaking out.. well, go back to that scripture, we were truly lifted up and supported during this. He really helped us, and that is helping us now as we mourn for our sweet baby.
I know many dont know what to say or what to do. Some of you have been truly inspired and have called, stopped by and even brought me things to help in what has been truly the right moment. And I am TRULY grateful to you. I appreciate the hugs and even the 'I've been thinking about you' comments. Please, dont be afraid to talk to me or call me and please dont be worried about saying the wrong thing. Just being normal helps too!
We are ok, sad, grateful, happy, it all just depends on the day! But we are not bitter, depressed, or angry. We were truly blessed in this experience and we are not going to choose not to recognize that.
We love you all. Thank you.